You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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