I just made out with a guy for $7.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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