Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
