Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
