youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
