It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
