That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
