a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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