it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Randomize
