It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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