I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
