@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
