oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
