I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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