I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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