Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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