I wanna bring you to show and tell
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
