I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
