Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
