By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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