Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
