I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
