Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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