she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
