ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i need some magic done to my vagina
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
