at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
