It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
