saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
