He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
