and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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