found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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