While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
