he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
