it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
