I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
