I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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