Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
