Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
