Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
