my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
