Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were trust falling into bushes
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