what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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