My girlfriend figured out who you are.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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