I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
