Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You are a genius and a whore.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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