sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
