no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I cut my penus on the lid.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This is classic penis vs brain.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
