do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
