Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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