also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
