Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
