so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
