Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
