I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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