i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All the doctor said was why
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
