how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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