why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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